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Friday, 06 November 2009

It took me awhile to fall asleep last night (it always does, but this time even more so), and an hour after I did I was yanked out of a dream. It was weird how quickly it happened--one minute I was dreaming, the next I was wide awake. I had a headache from it all. It felt literally like my brain was a piece of paper that had been ripped in half, and I could feel the jagged edges.
But before I awakened, I had been in a fantasy world where the Nutcracker was a real story and not a ballet, and Johnny Depp played the Nutcracker Prince and was really creepy in an appealing way, and Clara was trapped because he told her she was supposed to be his fairy queen and live in this far away world of dancing candycane kids and beautiful snow faeries, and he was like the Phantom of the Opera seducing her and she kind of liked it, but some part way back inside of her didn't because she knew something was controlling her that wasn't herself. And my dream started to smear in a swirl of color like liquid being funneled into something, and then I was sucked rapidly through a black tunnel away from my dream, down, down down, until I woke up feeling like my brain had ripped in half and part was still in the dream and part was wide awake and had to pee really badly.
I have no idea where The Nutcracker and Johnny Depp came from, but before I had fallen asleep I'd been thinking about love, and a quote I'd heard somewhere that when you love something, you own it. In appreciating a beautiful painting and admiring every tiny aspect of it, you possess it somehow, if only for the moment. There is a queer feeling that someone loves something about you and appreciates it, and thus possesses some small part of your heart that you never gave away.
And now I want to write a children's book about the Nutcracker instead of adding to my NaNoWriMo story, which I probably should be doing at the moment, or at least preserving my fingertips for such purposes, but now I want to get out Christmas stuff and listen to Nutcracker music and write, or even better, make up a story about it for little kids and tell them at bedtime like I did once for some sweet little girls I was babysitting.
Well, there's my recommended dose of randomness for the day...

Friday, 09 October 2009

In the middle of a heated discussion about stirrup pants on facebook, Kelcey's dad shared this link. I don't get it. It doesn't look like anybody's wearing stirrup pants to me. But I really like this music video, how it jumps in and out of the real world and a comic book. It's just nifty.

Saturday, 12 September 2009

I feel left out. Next time I'm bringing my life-sized cardboard cut-out man so I can be in on the fun of triple dates, or rather quadruple dates as it would be. Mr. Cardboard's a pretty nice guy. He's one of those strong, silent types, even if his humor often does fall flat...
Maybe I'll take him to the bongo concert too. In the upcoming events section of a local magazine I noticed tucked in between some dull-sounding orchestra things and broadway musicals was a bongo fest sort of thing. I think it sounds awesome. I would love to go to that. Why doesn't anybody want to go to that? I'd rather go to that than listen to classical music that would put you to sleep or lame pop and rock music. I want a man who would take me to a bongo fest and really get into it. It could be so fun, with the right guy...
O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?
Forget Romeo.
O Bongo Dude...

Monday, 07 September 2009

God has blessed me with some wonderful friends, two in particular who He has been changing drastically and molding and slicing away at and shaping into exquisitely beautiful princesses. (I tried to type "women" or "daughters" or "handmaidens", but at the risk of sound silly and girlish I had to write princesses. It just fit.) I can see in their lives that God is showing them how to die to the world, and come alive in Him. God placed those two amazing women in my life.
This morning, I was reading Luke, and this jumped off the page--
Luke 3: 9 - 11

"Even now the axe is laid to the root of the trees. Every tree therefore that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire."
And the crowds asked him, "What then shall we do?" And he answered them,"Whoever has two tunics is to share with him who has none, and whoever has food is to do likewise."

Interesting. Yesterday we had most of the following passage printed in our bulletin--

Isaiah 58: 1 - 12

"Cry aloud; do not hold back;
    lift up your voice like a trumpet;
declare to my people their transgression,
   to the house of Jacob their sins.
Yet they seek me daily
   and delight to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that did righteousness
   and did not forsake the judgment of their God;
they ask of me righteous judgments;
   they delight to draw near to God.
'Why have we fasted, and you see it not?
   Why have we humbled ourselves, and you take no knowledge of it?'
Behold, in the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure,
    and oppress all your workers.
Behold, you fast only to quarrel and to fight
   and to hit with a wicked fist.
Fasting like yours this day
   will not make your voice to be heard on high.
Is such the fast that I choose,
   a day for a person to humble himself?
Is it to bow down his head like a reed,
   and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him?
Will you call this a fast,
   and a day acceptable to the LORD?

"Is not this the fast that I choose:
    to loose the bonds of wickedness,
   to undo the straps of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
   and to break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry
   and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover him,
   and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
Then shall your light break forth like the dawn,
    and your healing shall spring up speedily;
your righteousness shall go before you;
    the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.
Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer;
   you shall cry, and he will say, 'Here I am.'
If you take away the yoke from your midst,
    the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,
if you pour yourself out for the hungry
   and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
then shall your light rise in the darkness
   and your gloom be as the noonday.
And the LORD will guide you continually
   and satisfy your desire in scorched places
   and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
   like a spring of water,
   whose waters do not fail.
And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt;
   you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
you shall be called the repairer of the breach,
   the restorer of streets to dwell in."

Wow. He's talking about people who seek Him daily and delight to know His ways! And that is not enough.

James 2: 12 - 17

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

The story of the Rich Young Ruler is something that kept pricking me in the mind like a pin two months ago when I wanted to do some clothing shopping--

Matthew 19: 21 - 24

Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

All of these verses together deliver a pretty sharp blow. But here we have comfort--

Luke 12: 27 - 34

"Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Doesn't that melt your heart? He calls us His "Little Flock". He says His Father is pleased to give us the kingdom! What no eye has heard and no mind conceived, the beautiful things He has in store! I want my heart to be there.

But honestly, my heart is divided. I'm excited over a couple new furnishings my grandparents are bringing for my room when they come in a couple weeks. My eyes pop out when I see so many people in all the brightly colored new fashions. Some of those aren't even my style, but it only makes me feel more like a misfit, like some totally unaware geek. My heart clenches at the thought of doing something like fasting or eating only rice and beans as one website a friend shared the link to suggests doing for a week, living like so much of the rest of the world, and donating the saved money to them. Just a week! But I shiver at the thought of losing weight off my already twiggy, bony body. And yet, such a fast would end for me, whereas there are people elsewhere in the world starving. But worse than that, I want to spend my money on special hairdryers with ionizers, and shampoo that makes my hair sleek, and new CDs I really really want, or go out for a fruit smoothie. And don't forget the clothes.

But here is a warning--

James 5: 1 - 5

Come now, you rich, weep and howl for the miseries that are coming upon you. Your riches have rotted and your garments are moth-eaten. Your gold and silver have corroded, and their corrosion will be evidence against you and will eat your flesh like fire. You have laid up treasure in the last days. Behold, the wages of the laborers who mowed your fields, which you kept back by fraud, are crying out against you, andthe cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord of hosts. You have lived on the earth in luxury and in self-indulgence. You have fattened your hearts in a day of slaughter.